Boy's Ghost Signs on to Facebook

A man’s ghost was found wandering the social Web site Facebook on Friday.

Buck Todd, 25 (and will be forever), signed in to his Facebook account at 12:17 a.m. EST on May 9, despite the severe head injuries he received in a car accident several months ago while driving under the influence of pretty much anything he could find. This login time, 17 minutes after the witching hour, was likely due to Todd using a dial-up spiritual interface.

“I was shocked to see him on Facebook chat,” Todd’s friend Donnie Tibbs said. “But we had a nice little conversation about heaven and shit.” Tibbs considered himself to be Todd’s BFF, though that fact is in contention by nearly everyone who joined the Facebook group “R.I.P. Buck Todd.”

In what some may consider an ironic twist of self absorption, Todd joined his own R.I.P. group to check out all the loving wall posts of all the group members who either missed him or just wanted to seem caring in order to get into one of his old girlfriend’s pants. Posted Todd: “I don’t know half the douchebags on here. Also, I’m DEAD.”

County coroner Warren Roberts confirmed Todd’s death, ensuring the validity of the ghostly login.

“Yeah, his head fell off,” Roberts said. “It was kind of hanging on there loosely for a while, but then when they got him to the hospital they bumped into a doctor who was acting like he was in a bigger hurry than he actually was, and PLOP. Just toppled right off.”

Roberts also confirms that the accident could not accurately be called drunk driving since, in addition to copious amounts of alcohol, Todd’s blood tests showed signs of mescaline, human growth hormone, and pig feces.

“This kid died like nobody’s business,” Roberts said.

This encounter raises questions about the source of Facebook’s marketing and consumer-drawing power, and scientists now theorize that the Web site may in fact be built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

For the few nerds that were sitting at home on Facebook at midnight on a Friday, though, this was a heartwarming time. With Todd having left the Web site for the time being, they are left only with his status: “Looking at Suicide Girls. Leave me alone. It’s been MONTHS.”