Guy in the North Does Something Racist

In a surprising move, a man from the Northern United States, not the South, did something racist today.

Charlie Buckwalter, 45, committed the racist act at around 8:00 a.m. in New Hampshire, prompting a thorough investigation into his background.

"We figured he was probably from Georgia or Alabama or one of those shitholes," Police Chief of the North Donald Franklin said. "There's no way a guy from up here could do anything racist. That shit's all centralized in the Southern states. Turns out he's from Vermont."

After the incident, the North stepped back, took a look at itself, and then decided it was still better than the South. It did win the Civil War, after all.

The North began to wonder how one of its denizens learned how to be racist, as this is the first reported act of racism to ever occur within its gilded boundaries. A meeting was called and questions of morality were posed, but they were stricken down because it was breakfast time, and everyone was "freakin' hungry." As of press time, they are still eating.

Action has yet to be taken by the North against Buckwalter, as the region is currently questioning Buckwalter about any episodes of "The Dukes of Hazzard" he may have seen.